the end of our second week...

The last two weeks have been exhausting. I don't mean it in a complaining way...more just a statement of fact. I'm tired. I'm tired of hospital chairs and hospital food, I'm tired of having my babies in two entirely different towns, I'm tired of this whole ordeal. And even though I know we've made it so far, and we are so much closer to the end than ever before, I'm just ready for it all to be done with.

Today was just a waiting day. No big changes for Mia, slightly lower settings on her new ventilator and slightly lower doses of Morphine. She continues to look better each day and we had plenty of cuddling time today. She still has a Repogle, which is a tube that sucks out the contents of her stomach. We are hoping it can be removed tomorrow and she can begin to eat with a feeding tube. Poor little thing is so eager to eat right now. She clearly isn't satisfied sucking on a pacifier without getting food in return, but for now, it keeps her mostly quiet.

My family brought Laci down for a visit this evening, and we certainly aren't the only ones ready to return to a normal life. We brought Laci in the room to see Mia tonight, while the nurse kindly "looked the other way" for a few minutes. It was their first meeting in person, and was a far cry from what I had envisioned their first meeting would be like. It was rushed and we didn't get any pictures, but Laci was very excited to see her sister, saying, "Baby!" I told her that the baby in the crib is her baby sister, Mia, and she repeated "Mia" as she patted my now empty tummy. It was very sweet and I could tell her little brain was trying to piece all the facts together. I don't know how much she understands, but I know she is a smart little girl and I hope that seeing her little sister tonight helps her cope a little better.

~ we certainly aren't the only ones feeling a little tired and cranky ~

So many people have commented on my strength through this ordeal, even saying, "I don't know how you do it." To them I would like to say three things:

First, thank you.

Second, I don't feel strong very often. Occasionally, I have moments where I feel like I can do anything, but it is a roller coaster ride with crashes so low that I can do nothing but cry.

Third, anyone can do what I, what WE, are doing. When it is your child's life on the line, your family on the line, everything you've worked hard to build on the line, you will do anything to hold it all together. The human body is an amazing thing, and even when you think you can't do anymore, even when you think you don't have any energy left, you will find that you CAN keep going, and you WILL keep going. No doubt, it is more difficult if you don't allow others to help boost you back up...I have found great strength in prayer, in reading the comments from family and friends, and even a little self-pep talk now and then. Some mornings, I wake up and wish I could fast forward to the end or at least just go home. But, even on my worst days, I keep going because I HAVE to, because it is the only way to get to where I want to be. And if you were in my position, you would and COULD do it too.