mia's progress...and some other thoughts



~ smirking Mia...with a hiding broviac ~

Mia continues to plug along at learning to eat...she enjoys her bottles, but tends to fall asleep halfway through the feeding and I spend more time trying to wake her up than she does eating. Apparently, eating is hard work...I had no idea. The good news is, she has worked up to 45 mL tonight, and hasn't had any problems with digestion that would indicate an intestinal blockage. Since she is drinking enough milk now, her IV nutrition will be stopped tonight and hopefully her appetite will increase a little to allow for full 55 mL feedings. If she can handle all 55 mL, her broviac will be removed this weekend and she'll be officially needle and tube-free.

We don't have an exact day for Mia's discharge, but have been told that it will be "soon," most likely this week sometime. At this point, we just have to make sure she can eat properly and then we'll be on our way. As her discharge nears, I find myself with a whole new set of questions...mostly questions regarding her future health. Her left lung will need time to expand and develop completely, a process that could takes months, and in the meantime, will leave her more susceptible to infection, colds, and RSV. There is also the risk of her diaphragm rupturing or tearing and possible intestinal issues. And although these possibilities are small, they are still in my thoughts. I would hate to go back to where we were almost three weeks ago, though I'm sure I shouldn't worry as Mia has already demonstrated her strong will to not only live, but to thrive.

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My head is so full of thoughts tonight that I can hardly keep them straight enough to type them all out. I feel so incredibly grateful for not one, but TWO, healthy baby girls, for a strong, healthy body that has not let me down, for my husband, for our families, for all the amazing friends we've managed to accumulate through the years. I have thoughts about what a true test of your limits can do for your outlook on life...how your priorities can be rearranged so quickly, and hopefully permanently. I know that months from now, I'll find myself exasperated at my two year old, and exhausted from my newborn, and I hope that I can remember how much worse it feels to sit alone in a trailer unable to hug or comfort either one.

I want to thank all of you who have been reading this blog, even the ones that don't comment. Telling our story online has felt strange at times...to be sharing private parts of our life so publicly, but writing has been so therapeutic for me. Knowing there are people out there who are interested in our girl has helped give me an audience to write to. I have always been a bit of a writer, keeping journals intermittently, taking writing classes in college, and of course blogging, but I haven't written this much in a long, long time. I know that once little Mia comes home and I get to care for my girls full-time again, there will be far less time for writing, musing, and blogging, so I am especially thankful for the time I have had over the past few weeks to "find my voice." I've been able to start writing in a way that I haven't tried in the past...raw, emotional, vulnerable even...I like it. And though I'm anxious to get back to much lighter subject matter, I'm glad to have bared my soul a time or two. Most of all, I'm glad to have this part of our lives documented so that I can go back and revisit whenever I need to remind myself that we, as a family unit, can overcome anything.