you capture {Fall}

Fall begins late here in Northern California.  Just this week, my mother's maple tree finally turned a blazing red, and as I drive through our country roads, I am finally starting to see the colors of the season.

I enjoy watching the seasons change, especially Winter to Spring and Summer to Fall.  They are refreshing and beautiful compared to the dreariness of Winter and the parched dryness of Summer.

I am feeling the need for a change here on the blog front as well, something similar to the changing of the colors in Fall and the blooming of blossoms in Spring - a facelift of sorts, but more than that.  I can't explain exactly what the change will be, because I do not fully understand what it is myself...yet.  But a change is definitely near, and like Fall on the west coast, it just needs a little more time to reveal itself.

These Fall photos were inspired by this week's You Capture theme:  Fall.

For more Fall-inspired photos, please visit here.

time is passing

I did not sleep much last night. I'm not complaining, it is to be expected when small babies inhabit your home, and I wouldn't want my home without babies in it. Even so, I am tired. I don't expect much more sleep tonight as both girls got shots today. Mia has been sleeping most of the afternoon, and Laci, although clearly tired and cranky, has yet to take a nap. It is now 3:30 so I'd prefer skipping naptime altogether and plan for an early bedtime instead. We'll see how much longer she lasts before collapsing in an overly exhausted heap.

The weekend, and so far, this week, flew by. It seems the time passes quicker as the year draws to a close. And yes, I'm already talking about the end of the year, because as much as I like to encourage savoring the little moments in life, I'm ready for 2011 to be over. I'm declaring 2012 to be a year of quiet family relaxation, banning any projects that require more than a few days' effort, and I'm ready for 2012 to begin.

Now before you think I'm wishing the next two months away - because I'm not, because I would miss so much fun without the next two months - I'll share the little joys we experienced this past weekend.

The rain started. Real rain. The kind where your windshield wipers swish quickly and you need more than a sweater to keep warm and dry and babies need special covers over their carseats. It doesn't seem so long ago that Laci was peeking out from this cozy cave.

My mama hosted a stamping workshop, and I happily sacrificed crafting time to help with refreshments, because creating food in the kitchen is just as fulfilling to me as creating crafts. I had the added pleasure of chatting with a dear friend while our daughters bonded over cookies, brownies, and Finger People. My friend and I do not visit often, but when we do, there is non-stop chatter, and our visits every few months seem to fit into both our schedules. Our history together dates back to a ballet class when we were three. One of us was quietly learning first position while the other danced to her own tune. I'll let you wonder which was which, if it isn't completely obvious. It is true that opposites attract, and I admire the qualities in her that make us different.

Sunday morning dreariness kept us in pajamas until late afternoon, and despite my reluctance to leave the warm sanctuary of my parents' home, we headed out to cousin Sydney's 6th birthday party. It appears I was trying to taunt the grayness outside by dressing my girl in the brightest colors possible. It makes me happy to see her in striped tights and fluffy skirts. Cute bowling shoes certainly don't hurt. The fact that they were a size or two too big just adds to the charm. She had a blast, as did a dozen other enthusiastic kids. Mia slept, gotta love that.

Despite her petite size, Laci gladly carried a dozen or so bowling balls from the party room to the lane. Sure, they were light-weight balls, but nearly full size, and it took her whole body to counter the weight of the bowling ball in front of her. Her tenacity makes me smile. Even at two, she is unafraid to meet a new challenge. And after the proper warmup period of about thirty minutes, is not afraid to be herself in front of others. She is not intimidated much by the older kids and had no problem standing up for herself. I hope she does not lose her self-confidence to the pressures of growing up.

Suddenly, it was Sunday night and the weekend was gone. Ryan was setting his alarm for 4:30 am for work the next morning, although that blow was slightly softened by the time change, and I was wrangling overly tired babies into bed. And now, here it is, Tuesday, almost evening, and I think that maybe time is actually passing much quicker than it seems.

{because i was there too} thirty-one photos

A month ago, I embarked upon a self-portrait project (which I'm sure I've mentioned far too many times), in an effort to capture my presence in my daughters' lives and to revive my hibernating creativity.  I had planned to take at least a picture a day for a month.  That didn't really happen.  I almost couldn't find 31 pictures to post, but I did manage to get in front of the camera a few times, and in the process, start enjoying taking pictures again.

I don't plan to continue this photo project, but it has certainly made me think more about "getting into the picture," and I plan to do so as often as possible in the future.  I would hate for my girls to look at photos of their childhood and not see me, because, clearly, I am with them...a lot.  In the process, I also determined that a traditional tripod and I are NOT friends, that a shutter remote would make self-portraits quite a bit easier, and handing the camera off to someone else is sometimes difficult for me.

So, my conclusion?  It was a worthwhile endeavor, and one that I would recommend to any other mother who finds herself taking a billion pictures of her children, but doesn't remember what she looked like a year ago because there isn't a picture to look back on.  Also, my creativity is back...my head is filled with more ideas than I can handle.  Now, I just need to find the time to follow through with them, which leads me to my next challenge:  PATIENCE.  Because with a three month old and a two year old, "free" time is a rare commodity.  I'll have to just let those ideas simmer while I watch my babies grow.

october wrap-up

October is gone, leaving me with pictures that need to be posted and events to be documented. So, prepare yourself for a monumental post about everything October - probably too many pictures, hopefully not too many words. This way, I can move on to November, the home of my favorite holiday Thanksgiving, with a clean slate.


***

A visit to a pumpkin patch appears to be a requirement these days, so we did it. The kids made pies, went on a hayride, fed some sheep, and got pumpkins painted on their arms. The highlight for Laci was petting a rabbit that I'm pretty sure she would have been thrilled to bring home with us. She talked about the "bunny rabbit" halfway home. We skipped picking pumpkins because we already have a bunch of pumpkins at home, and because I'm partially a pumpkin patch scrooge and didn't want to carry a pumpkin in addition to the Mia pumpkin I had strapped to the front of me.

Laci was so serious while getting her arm painted with a pink pumpkin. She wore her serious face most of the day. I can only hope it means she was very serious about having fun, because otherwise, it means she was having a terrible time, and that just isn't possible with so many fun things around.

I love how she's holding her arm like it's broken. She held it this way for about 15 minutes.

Is there any way to get three kids smiling at the camera at the same time? Because if there is, I haven't found it yet.

And speaking of kids smiling at the camera, check out these gems.

What are you doing, Sydney?
Nice cheeser, Evan.
Laci, I'm over here!

No, really kids, I'm really over here!
Mia shares my opinion of camera flash...ewwwww!
Also Laci, could you please sit like a lady.

And then there's this beauty from Halloween.

Alright, well this one actually isn't that bad. Sydney and Evan, you're adorable. Mia you're sleeping, which is always a good thing. And Laci, well, Laci you're not really enjoying Halloween.

In addition to being a pumpkin patch scrooge, I'm a bit of a Halloween scrooge, too. Sorry, it just isn't my thing, as you can probably tell by my half-hearted attempt at a last minute ballerina costume. I had to wake Laci from her nap to get her dressed to visit the great grandma's, so when I mentioned a bun and ballet slippers, I was met with hysterical tears and screaming, and also, "Ewwww," which is a direct quote. On the upside, she agreed to the leg warmers, which is good, because without them, she was just wearing a pink skirt with her pajama shirt (which happens to have a ballerina pig on the front, so it totally works).

Mia had a costume, too. Want to see how much she liked her costume?

It appears Mia enjoyed her first Halloween about as much as Laci did. Not so much. But looking at that first picture makes me laugh hysterically!

Even with all the obvious joy, we survived, and brought smiles to the great grandma's who look forward to this visit every year. Now, I have an entire year to procrastinate about putting together costumes for my girls so we can do it all over again. And, I'll try to work on my scrooge-like attitude, because it appears it might be rubbing off on someone.

***

October included some crafting, which is a little silly to say, because pretty much every month involves at least a little crafting for us. It is my therapy, to make things, especially big messes all over my mother's house. Good thing she likes to make messes too.

Get this, even though I'm a pumpkin patch scrooge and a Halloween scrooge, it turns out I'm not really a Christmas scrooge, at least not yet. I already made Mia's Christmas pajama paint can. Now, I just need to get her pajama's, oh, and every other gift on my list because I haven't started shopping yet...at all.

***

Finally, October included my {because I was there too} self-portrait project, wherein I tried to document the fact that I am actually present in my daughters' lives, not just a ghost behind the camera. More on this subject to come later.

***

Well, I'd say that pretty much covers everything October, which I'm glad to say is over and behind us. I welcome November with open arms as each day brings me closer to Thanksgiving, and the best turkey EVER. I love spending time with my family, and having fires in the wood stove, and watching my girls get loved on by everyone. November seems to put everyone into a spirit of gratitude, and while I try to be thankful for everything I have everyday, it helps to be reminded now and then. It is easy to get caught up in what I don't have right now, like a house, and to forget about the things that I DO have like healthy babies, an awesome husband, loving family, plenty of food, a place to live, and, well, I could probably go on for a while. But I won't, because frankly, this post is ridiculously long as it is.

I'll leave you with this: a view from Ryan's parents' deck, which demonstrates that while smog is gross and destructive, it can also be very beautiful. I'm thinking this applies to many things in life.

When life looks ugly, just keep looking until you find the beauty. It's there.

mia | three months

11 lbs 10 oz

22 inches

of chunky sweet goodness

At three months old, she doesn't have that newborn look anymore. I guess that's what healthy babies do, grow and grow and change and change.

Sweet baby girl is losing her hair, her eyes are still blue, and she still hasn't experienced true baby giggles, but she's close. At her recent checkup, the doctor suggested moving her bed to another room if we thought that might help her sleep better. I just nodded my head, laughing internally, because what room would we move her to? Remember, our travel trailer abode. She currently sleeps in the "living/dining" area. The only other "room" available is the kitchen, which is approximately four feet from where she currently sleeps. Pretty sure that won't make much difference. Thankfully, she sleeps really well despite our living arrangements, so moving her isn't an issue. And I didn't feel like explaining our situation, so I just soaked it in, all the while imagining the pack n' play on the roof of the trailer.

The question everyone seems to be asking lately is, "Is she going to be okay now?" I have two answers.

My first answer is, Yes. She breathes well, digests well, and clearly eats well. She is as healthy and happy as any other three month old.

My second answer is, I Don't Know. There are a million possible ways things could go wrong. What if she gets a cold or the flu this winter and her lungs can't handle it? What if her intestines twist and cause a blockage? What if her hernia ruptures and she needs surgery again? And the "what if's" multiply as she gets older. What if she can't keep up with the other kids? What if she gets appendicitis and they can't find her appendix? What if her hernia ruptures as she grows? What if she wants to have children, but has problems carrying a baby? What if her baby is born with a diaphragmatic hernia?

None of these scenarios is very likely. They are mostly the product of a mother's worry. But the possibility is still there and even as she gets visibly healthier each day, I don't think the fear of her getting sick again will ever fully leave me. The reality is, that bad things can happen to your children at any time. Nobody's health is guaranteed - not Mia's, not Laci's, not mine. So, sometimes I feel like my worries about Mia are ridiculous, but that doesn't keep them from taking up space in my mind.  I hope that someday, these things will not bother me.

For today, though, Mia is as healthy as can be, and for the most part, a very happy little girl. We are so lucky to have her with us. We love you, sweet Mia.