I'm feeling stagnant, bored, completely uninspired. Every woman has her "thing" - something that revives her spirit and makes her feel satisfied. Being creative refuels me. However, my sweet baby girls (whom I love so much) leave me with little time or energy for crafting, sewing, cooking, baking, or taking pictures - the typical activities I choose to get my creative juices flowing. I'm not really complaining about my lack of crafting time, and I truly am trying to remember the little good parts of each day. But this Fall weather has me itching to start on holiday projects and it just isn't in the works for me. I'm sure any mother can relate, that between meeting the demands of your children, your husband, and your home, there is little time left for yourself. The little things you do just for yourself go by the wayside and, at times, you sort of lose who you are outside the roles of mother, wife, and homemaker.
I'm even frustrated with taking pictures these days, feeling like I've hit a roadblock behind the lens. I've learned so much since I snapped my first DSLR photo over two years ago, mostly from reading tutorials online and through good ole' trial and error, but I want to learn so much more. Again, a lack of time limits my opportunities for education. All this leaves me feeling restless and bored - not the kind of bored where there is nothing to do, because, obviously, there is always something to be done. Instead, it's the kind of bored that comes from not being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
I know this is just the phase of life I'm in right now, and that it will pass, probably sooner than I realize. Even so, I'm feeling the need to at least try and do something about it. So, in an effort to revive myself from this slump, I'm dedicating October to bringing myself back into the picture...literally. No doubt, I am more than capable of taking pictures of my girls, they are plastered all over this blog. But the camera isn't so friendly to me. Mostly because I am always behind it, but also because I don't like having my picture taken. For some reason, the dark circles under my eyes become the focal point of each picture, and I don't feel any need to document my state of tiredness. However, I do want my kids to remember me in their daily lives. When they look at pictures of themselves playing, I want them to also see me, because after all, I was there too. As I look back through our pictures from the past year - Christmas, Easter, birthdays, any day - I am glaringly absent. I was there too, you'd just never know it from looking at our pictures.
My goal is to get at least a piece of myself into a picture with my kids each day - by self portrait, timer, or (gasp) handing the camera to someone else. And when all else fails, there is always the phone camera for a quick capture.
I'm not sure how this project will transpire. In my slightly OCD brain, I had intended to take a picture a day for the month of October, but today is the 4th, so already this project is off to a rocky start. The uptight part of my personality will just have to take a backseat, and I'll try to be happy with a dozen or so pictures from now through the end of the month.
At the end of this project, I'm hoping to do more than just get a few pictures of my girls and me. I'm also hoping to stretch my imagination as I try to find new, creative ways to get in the picture, and maybe even learn something new about photography along the way. I'm hoping to also revive my spirit of creativity and inspiration. If I don't return until November 1st, it is safe to assume that I've experienced epic failure and am throwing in the towel. Honestly, though, I feel pretty good that I'll be back tomorrow. Only time will tell.
I love that!
ReplyDelete