mia | five months

In the last month, my lovely sleeping baby who only woke once a night has morphed into an up at least twice a night, though still lovely, NON-sleeping baby. I would love to know why, so I could enjoy some sleep again, but I am left tired and without answers. We started cereal, based on the doctor's belief that more calories will bring longer sleep periods, but we have yet to see any results. Perhaps that is because, while I can put the cereal in her mouth, I am doubtful as to the quantity that actually makes it to her tummy. Or perhaps it is because the "more calories" theory is rubbish and I have a knack for birthing non-sleeping babies. I lean towards that latter based simply on the fact that Laci still cannot make it through the night without waking at least once. But I don't want to turn this into a post on sleeping theories, so let's move on.

Mia weighed 13 lbs 11 oz at her last appointment and is 23 3/4 inches long. She's our short, chunky bundle and I admit I love seeing her chins grow a little more each day.
She's still our mostly happy little girl who is almost always willing to smile. She's a rolling champ from tummy to back and can "talk" your ear off and is working on some teeth. She's like a rabid animal when she gets something in her mouth she can bite down on.
I'd love to remember forever how she giggles at Maverick when she touches his fur, how she sucks her upper lip and looks like a trout, and how she lights up on those rare occasions when Laci is willing to talk to her. But I know how easily these things, that I see so clearly everyday, can fade as she enters new stages and learns new tricks. I would love for her to sleep better and to stop spitting up down my shirt, but I am not in a hurry for her to move on to the next stage. I love that she is squishy and immobile, because I know she'll be running around getting into trouble all too soon. Today, I think five months old is a great age to be.

christmas

Christmas was magical, loud, fun, exhausting. The generosity and love of grandparents, aunts, and uncles is evident in the tote full of toys that will not fit in our trailer and in the over flowing laundry basket that currently serves as the girls' dresser.

Like any long, excitement-filled event, Christmas had its ups and downs.
Up: Seeing Laci's curiosity about the big guy in red.
Down: Mia decided Santa's visit was cue for a meltdown, preventing me from getting a single picture of my big girl telling Santa she wants a dirt bike (next year, sweetie).
Up: Laci successfully joined the kid table on her own this year, Mia took a timely nap, and I ate dinner like a real grown up for the first time in a while.
Down: Mia refused to let anyone else hold her, leaving me with tired arms and mostly blurry pictures.

Without taking anything away from this year's festivities (because it was a nice weekend, really and truly nice) I want next year to be different. I want my girls to open presents in pajamas in our own living room. I want to take time for them to enjoy each present instead of rushing them from one package to the next. Poor Laci was done opening presents long before she reached the bottom of her many piles. Once she opened her horses, she would have been content to just sit all day.

The hustle and bustle of this year (as in years past) leaves us filled to the brim with happy memories of cousins playing and families sharing good food and a warm fire. And it leaves us exhausted. Me, especially, as I cannot remember a good night of sleep in the last month. I'm left craving a sense of calm and normalcy that will be unachievable until we complete our house. So, I wait, anxious already for next year to begin.

***

Last year, I split Christmas into three separate posts (here, here, and here), and now I know why...pictures, pictures, pictures. But since there is only a day or so left of 2011, I'm dumping them all here, the final "Hurrah!" of the year in a way.

I was a bit Scrooge-ish this year. Getting into the spirit proved a little difficult without a house or tree to decorate, with a very limited budget, and the general ho-hum attitude I've had lately. But I was successful in keeping a few traditions alive, and that makes me happy.

I manage to wrangle the cousins (minus Mia) for the second annual group picture. With many, many out takes, I was able to get one keeper.

The girls got pajamas in their paint cans, although not on Christmas Eve. For the third year, Laci's pajamas are decidedly UNfestive. I'm not sure how this happens, but rainbow pants and a giant pink and smiley face just seemed to call her name this year.

I stuck to my three standard gifts for the girls: pajamas, one toy, and a stack of books. I can't describe how much joy it brings me to read to Laci and have her actually sit and listen, and then ask for "more stories."  She's a little reader in the making and I love it.

***

Ryan and I didn't exchange gifts again this year.  Our gift will be in a month (or two) when I can drive into our garage, unload an armful of groceries, and cozy up with the girls in front of a fire.  On that day, I know it will have been worth all this waiting and stress.  In the meantime, I'll enjoy my new boots (thanks, Mom), I'll enjoy watching my girls sift through new toys, and I'll be thankful for all the blessings of 2011.

boo hoo

This is how I feel about not having time to write.

Life suddenly feels crazy busy. I haven't even started wrapping presents and just found out an hour ago that I need to go back to the grocery store with all the other last minute crazy shoppers.

I'll see you after Christmas.

Happy holidays!

The end.

a little update on the house

I hesitate to write posts like this sometimes because I don't want to be all, "Hey, look at my awesome house." Especially with how many people are struggling these days with just basic things like feeding their families and having a warm coat for Winter. But, basically, I am saying "Hey, look at my awesome house" because there isn't any other way to say it. Just know that I'm deeply grateful for all we have been able to accomplish, that we've had to work hard to get what we have, and that nothing is taken for granted.

The sheet rock is up and ready for tape and texture, which was started Monday.  Measurements were taken for cabinets yesterday morning. Lathers arrived bright and early yesterday to start the scratch coat on the outside. We hope to be in by the end of January, but only time will tell. Delays seems to be frequent and unforeseen, yet unavoidable, in the construction world.

I haven't taken a lot of pictures lately because so much of the finished product is still up in our heads. Unless you live in my brain, you might have trouble seeing what I see when I look at boring pictures of sheet rock. So, allow me a moment to provide a small virtual visual tour of the better parts of the house.

Our tubs. One for grown ups and one for babies.  We have a shower too...a pretty amazing one...one that is currently a dark cave not worth photographing.

Our back porch. I see concrete, a BBQ, a table or two, and lots of chairs for all the friends we'll be hosting. I might even see you there.

Our kitchen. I see bright white cabinets, dark countertops, and the most awesome stove that I can't wait to use. Also, plenty of room for friends to keep me company while I cook, because no one likes a lonely kitchen, least of all, me.

Our front room. I see a warm fire blazing, a good movie on the tv, and a comfy couch to sink into. I'll even be content with a pile of pillows and blankets if we have to wait on the sofa. Oh, and kids sprawled everywhere on real carpet. I see twinkle lights at Christmas and a back door breeze in June.

Obviously there is more to the house than this, but if you've seen one empty bedroom, you've seen them all. I'm patiently waiting for the finish work to begin...paint, trim, doors, flooring. Then I'm ready to move in. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm ready to move in yesterday...trim or not.

One more thing, here are my babies.  A post just isn't the same without their pretty little faces.

sundays are for relaxing

I have not dumped my phone in a while, so here is a random smattering of pictures from the past week. Or two. Or more.

The girls and I have not been doing much the past week, mostly just hanging out and counting the days until Christmas. I'm secretly hoping the rest of my shopping will get done without any effort on my part.

It seems Laci and Mia are going through a very needy phase, so I've spent much of my time in the brown rocking chair holding one, or the other, or both. This leaves little time for anything else, and I'm doing my best to be content with just sitting and rocking and providing comfort (which I'm doing at this exact moment in fact). Sometimes I get restless in my role as a mother.  Not because I don't have anything to do (because obviously I have PLENTY to do), but because I feel trapped. I'm working on accepting that "just being a mom" is enough.

I've been hearing some requests for a house update. I'm working on it. And by "working on it" I mean I've taken some pictures that aren't on the computer yet, which I may (or may not) upload later today. So, until I can get it together, a verbal update will have to suffice. Sheetrock is up, tape and texture starts Monday, the cabinet maker will measure tomorrow, and Ryan hooked up the water line yesterday. Pictures to come. Soon. Maybe. You'd think I know better than to make public promises.

I believe Sundays are made for relaxing and spending time with family. For doing things that renew your spirit, make you feel rested, and prepare you for the harsh world that greets you Monday morning. Whatever those things may be for you, I hope you enjoy them. Happy Sunday. 

laci & cookies

I have not been as patient as I'd like to be with my big girl lately. I try each day to be the mother she needs me to be, but some days she just knows how to push me. Our personalities are very similar, which I'm sure does nothing to help the situation. Plus, she's two, and testing her boundaries, and strong willed, and maybe a little threatened by all the time her new little sister consumes.

  

So, today, we made cookies together while Mia napped. It was only twenty minutes or so, and Laci spent more time painting the lemons with peanut butter and sticking her finger in the sugar than she did learning how to crack an egg, but I didn't expect anything different. She got a little one-on-one time with me, got to sit on the counter and get sticky, and we both got yummy cookies out of the deal. Though I love Mia with all my heart, I sometimes miss the time Laci and I used to spend together.

Laci is quite a character if you can't tell. Most nights, I can count on a visit from her around 1:00 am. Sometimes I hear her little feet pattering across the trailer floor and I'm able to redirect her back to bed before she is too awake. Other nights, I'm awakened by a tap on the arm and a "Mama?" A few nights ago, she arrived at my bedside with a large purple bouncy ball. "Laci, what are you doing?" I asked. "Mama, play ball?" she asked in return. Then I had to break the news that we don't play ball inside the trailer in the middle of the night. She didn't take the news too well.

The best, though, was about a week ago. I thought I heard her little feet out of bed, but was so tired I didn't get up right away. I figured I'd lay there for a few minutes and get my bearings before jumping out of bed. Except she never arrived. Then I wondered if I was imagining things. I sat up and saw my bathrobe (which was hanging in the hallway) "dancing" in the dark as if possessed by a ghost. Then I heard her singing, her sweet little two year old voice humming and singing a song only she could recognize. She had wrapped the robe (still hanging) completely around herself and was apparently having a private party of sorts. I asked my usual question, "Laci, what are you doing?" and she peeked out from under the robe and said, "Hi mama!" as if this were a completely normal thing to do in the middle of the night.

The past few months have been rough on this little girl, though most of the time she just rolls with it. She had only spent the night away from us twice before Mia was born, then both Ryan and I were nearly completely gone from her life for several weeks. When we came back home, we brought her a new little sister who she isn't exactly thrilled about. I hear "Mia down" many times a day. And unfortunately, even though I explain it to her daily, I'm not sure she understands that Ryan is so busy because he is building a house for us to live in.  I tell her that daddy has to work and she cries, "Me work too."  She misses him.  A lot.

As we ate pancakes for dinner (again) a couple of nights ago, she assumed her position on the floor at her makeshift table.  With all four of us squished and eating together, I knew she was blissfully unaware that not all families live like we do. I knew that she was content, happy to have her daddy on the floor next to her, and happy to have her mama make pancakes, even if I was also holding Mia. She will not remember this past Summer in the details I will. I know her memories will form in the setting of our new home.  I know she will learn to share with her sister and she (like me) will not remember life before having a sister.
She deserves more patience than I can provide. I hope she knows how much I love her and how I want to give her the world even when I tell her "No!" 547 times a day. I hope she knows she is just as special as her little sister, even without scars. Someday, I hope she'll read this and wonder why I was so worried about not being patient with her because all she can remember is baking cookies, tasting sugar, and having fun with her mama.