our last night

It is Sunday night, my last night in my mama's home. I feel like a kid again, getting ready to go out in the world and spread my wings. Except, I already did that once before, and this time, I'm not headed out into the wild unknown. I know exactly what lies ahead of me and it includes a husband, two kids, and lots of cleaning. But it is a good thing to know what is ahead of me (at least in the short term) and I am happy with what I see.

We moved almost everything into the house this weekend (rescheduled inspection be damned) and the disorganization of having nothing in its place, not even knowing what that place is, has me feeling slightly out of control. Change is tough, you know, even when it is change for the better. I know I've mentioned it before, but I get comfortable with how things are, and though I'm beyond excited to be living in a real house again, I really dislike the transition period.

"New house! Yay! I'm excited! Really!"
This is getting me through the stupid part of moving in until I get to the awesome part of being moved in.

Looking at my new stove doesn't hurt either.

A part of me is a little sad too. Although we have managed to basically terrorize my parents' house over the past several months, we have so very much enjoyed spending everyday with Grammy and Papa and they have been such a big help to me when Ryan has been busy working on the house.

Moving out means I will no longer be sleeping on the living room floor, something my aching back and hips are rejoicing about, but I will miss my mom getting up with the girls when they rise long before the sun. I will miss my mom's cooking, but look forward to creating meals again. I will miss having another adult around during the day, but then again, it isn't like I'm moving far away. It's 10 miles and she will visit often.

As strange as this sounds, it will be the first time our little family of four will be living together in our own house. It has been 7 1/2 months since we have had anything that resembles a "normal" life, and no I don't really know what "normal" is, or if it even exists. But if it does, I can assure you it does not look like living under different, roofs - at least not for us.

To be together again is probably the best gift I can think of right now, at least for Ryan and me. Mia isn't really aware of whose house is whose. Laci is completely confused. She calls our house "daddy's house," which makes me kind of laugh and kind of sad. I spend a good amount of time talking about how we are all going to live there together and she will get a special big girl bed in a new room. She alternates being excited and saying "Yeah!" with frowning and saying, "Stay Grammy's house." She has formed quite a bond with my parents, especially when they were taking care of her while Mia was in the hospital, so living without them will be an adjustment for her. And them. And I'm fairly certain Maverick will be the saddest of all. We spent all day at the house today while he stayed home and hasn't left Laci's side since we returned.

But even as tough as life transitions are, and as tough as the last year has been for us, there are always things to be thankful for. Family and friends, jobs, health. Life is just plain hard, for pretty much everyone, so you just do what you have to do to survive and hopefully find moments of joy in between all the yucky stuff. And every once in a while, everything settles down, and you get to be really excited and happy about something really BIG. I feel very blessed and grateful that that is where I am tonight.