feather fiesta

Saturday was the annual Feather Fiesta Days event in our little town.  It's a combination parade/chili cook-off/car show/craft fair extravaganza that brings out people from every crevice of the town.  If people-watching is your "thing," I suggest arriving early, bringing a comfortable chair and a cold drink, and watching til your heart's content, because the variety of people who will pass in front of you is...well...entertaining?  I saw things that would shame the People of Walmart.

But aside from the sometimes shocking clothing choices, it was a good time.  We took the girls to the parade and Laci discovered the joy of salt water taffy.  Mia willingly sat in her stroller for at least an hour, chomping on Cheerios, and kicking her feet excitedly when the marching bands would pass by.  She really did enjoy herself.

  

I took my camera in hopes of capturing the essence of our small town parade.  I have not attended in years, and I have to say, I was disappointed to see that there were very few floats worth a picture. It is time to step it up people!  So, I took pictures of my sweet girls, which I love to do anyway, and I did take a picture of the first fire engine in the parade.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I captured what looks to be a sweet little family moment in the reflection.  How fun is that?

The girls got tired of the parade long before it was over.  Laci and her cousins played on some one's well-manicured front lawn, because these country kids are oblivious to things like "yards" and "boundaries."

We attempted going to the food area and browsing the car show, but after walking half a mile, dripping in sweat and with two tired girls, we headed back to the truck, stopped at Sonic, and went home for naps.  I would have loved to look at the old cars, but I think I was more ready to go home than anyone else.

One of the fun things about Feather Fiesta is that it feels like a mini-reunion of all the people you've known for years but rarely see.  We ran into some old friends that I only "see" online these days, and it was fun to show off our kids and reminisce a little.  It is likely that we won't catch up with each other again until next year, because that is just how life goes.  So, if you'd like to see us next year, we'll probably be somewhere between First and Second Avenue in the shade.  By then, I will have forgotten how hot is gets and how I really hate being in crowds, and it will be super fun.

mother's day

Mother's Day was lovely.  I have two beautiful girls who greeted me with smiles, bright and early as usual, my new swinging bench will be here Wednesday, and Ryan took care of the laundry and dishes.  I was gifted a fistful of dandelions from Laci, and I felt so loved and appreciated, and why can't every day be Mother's Day?

I love being a mother.  I am living the life I dreamed of living when I was just a little girl.  And because I truly hope my girls become mothers someday as well, I want them to know one thing:

Motherhood is hard.

Very, very hard.

Hard isn't a bad thing.  It just is.  You are given these beautiful little people to care for without instructions or a manual, and even your instincts often don't help you.  They demand the most from you when you feel you have the least to give, and there is very little, if any, time for personal refueling.

I hope I'm not sounding bitter here.  I have just been struggling with my lack of time and sleep lately, and yesterday, I looked at myself and had to admit to a very difficult thing.  I am being selfish.  I am beginning to resent my girls for needing me so much.  Sometimes it feels like too much needing.  So much that I rarely sleep more than two hours at a stretch, that I cannot focus on anything without a thousand interruptions, and I can't remember the last time that I was truly alone and relaxed.  But this is not their fault, and even though I feel nearly drained of all my motherly resources, they deserve all that I have to give.

I love these girls in a way I would have never thought possible before having children.  Their happiness is my joy, their sadness, my greatest sorrow.  I am challenging myself to truly give them my all each and every day, to the very best of my ability.  I am not a perfect mother.  I am impatient when I'm tired and I yell too much and I get frustrated when I should be compassionate.  I can only hope that along the way, I am teaching them forgiveness, because heaven knows, I'm going to need it.

I think there is beauty in the difficulty of motherhood.  It makes you appreciate the good and simple moments that much more, like when the baby is finally asleep after an hour of trying to soothe her tears, or when your sweet girl gives you a hug and says, "Love you mommom" without any prompting.  Those are the moments I treasure, that I try to capture with my camera, that I hope will remain in the forefront of their childhood memories.

So, thank you girls, for a lovely Mother's Day, and for making me want to be a better person. I would not be who I am without you.

doggie head shots

I took pictures of the dogs the other day when we were playing outside.  I figured it was time for new head shots, since it has been a couple of years, and I missed seeing their little red faces on my sidebar.  What kind of dogs need head shots? you ask.  These dogs.  These crazy, high energy, little creatures who still hang around with us, though clearly, they have lost their places as numbers one and two in our lives.

Bailee 2010 & 2012

Lunati 2010 & 2012  

They have learned to be content with living life at numbers three and four on the totem pole of love.  They spend their days gazing through our windows wondering how soft the carpet is, and barking like mad at every truck, trailer, and airplane that passes by.  They are still obsessed with gophers, though Bailee prefers to let the cat catch the gopher, after which she steals and then eats it.  The gopher, not the cat.

Lunati is looking rather gray these days.  She is nine and a half years old, give or take.  Her body gets sore much more easily than it used to, but as long as you'll throw a stick, ball, or orange for her, she'll continue to fetch.

They have warmed up to the presence of our children, and though they will never be the kind of dog that will tolerate ear pulling, they have adjusted much better than I had anticipated.  And now I'm looking for a picture of the dogs and kids together, but, no dice.  I'll just have to add that to my mental "things to take pictures of" list.

And, well, I guess that's all I have for today.

silly girls

Picture taking with two silly girls in a dimly lit living room gives you this.  If nothing else, it's good for a few smiles.

Yes, Mia is sporting Christmas pajamas in May (actually, these were taken in April).
Yes, Laci is holding grapes.  Pretend grapes, not real ones.
No, she does not want her little sister to touch her.

It has been a tough mothering day.  I don't want to complain, because I love these girls so much.  I'll just say, I'm ready for bedtime.

a week in review

Would you believe I've sat down to write a post half a dozen times in the last week, but it just never worked out.  Believe it.  It has been kind of a rough, crazy week like that - full of interruptions, and not finishing things, and me just wishing I could take a break most of the time.  I know it was a busy week because I just downloaded pictures from my camera and there are only 25.  Twenty five in one week.  I usually take that many per day.  Of course, I end up deleting at least half of them, but that's irrelevant.  The important point here is that my lack of picture taking is evidence that I just haven't been feeling myself, and when the gloominess takes over, I'm not the best person I could be.  That is frustrating.

So, for the sake of family record-keeping, here's the lowdown on what I can remember from the past week.

Rewind all the way back to last Saturday when I took both girls on an outing with my sisters and mom.  We took them to an antique store.  I know, what was I thinking?  Actually, it turned out okay because they were contained in the stroller most of the time and I kept them where the walkways were wide.  Also, we picked up some old Golden Books like The Little Red Caboose and the Saggy Baggy Elephant, and that made me happy.

We went to a fabric store, where I bought a few yards of fabric for the girl's curtains, and then we attempted going out to lunch.  In a real restaurant.  And, after ten minutes of screaming at the top of her lungs, Mia went to sleep and we (and the rest of the restaurant) ate our lunch in peace.

As if Saturday wasn't exciting enough already, Ryan and I decided to take the girls to the kart races at Cycleland.  It's a place I've been visiting since I was Laci's age, where my dad has raced various vehicles from three-wheelers to go-karts, and where I have fond memories of mosquito bites, red vines from the snack bar, and climbing under the bleachers.  Laci had a blast running, playing, eating, and just a little whining.  Mia wasn't entirely thrilled to be cooped up between my lap and the stroller, but we had a really good time.

There isn't a single picture from any of these things.

Sunday, we had a few friends over and BBQ'd.  I roasted the best chicken ever, which really isn't saying much because I've only cooked one chicken in my oven ever, but it was really, really good.  The weather was beautiful, my girls were well-behaved, and I didn't take a single picture again.

Way back on January 1st, I decided to take one picture of my girls each day of the year.  Sometimes it's a picture of them together, most often it's one picture of each of them, making my 366 photo project into a 732 photo project. Sometimes, the picture turns out really great, often it's just a quick snapshot.  I have plans to put them in a book at the end of the year, and I hadn't missed a single day until Saturday.  And that just put me in a mood.  I know, I know, it was one day.  But in my mind, I was already so frustrated (with too many things to list here) that I just said, "Forget it!"  Then Sunday rolled around and I still didn't take any pictures. And Monday, no pictures again.

Monday was filled with laundry and sorting through hand me downs that will save me from a shopping trip for Laci for quite a while.  Tuesday, more laundry and some banana muffins.  Because when life gives you over-ripe, almost black, bananas, you make muffins.

Wednesday was fun because I got to visit with one of my old friends from high school.  I haven't seen Jana since our 10 year reunion five years ago, which officially makes me feel old, and also, has it really been that long since we sat in the bleachers watching Friday night football games and making up our own cheers?  I guess it has.  And to say she is an old friend from high school really isn't accurate, because I believe we went to kindergarten together, and were in the same classes for most of our 13 years of school, and were always at the same end of the line when we were lined up by height for school pictures.  We lived in the same neighborhood growing up, our backyards almost touching, and we've managed to stay in touch through blogs and Facebook (oh, that wonderful thing called the Internet).  We didn't take any pictures, but here is a picture from our high school reunion where I'm looking much more fabulous than I was on Wednesday, and also much more rested.

I can't remember Thursday (a side effect of having children), and Friday I worked for a few hours.   Yesterday, was "family day" in that my sisters and I gathered at my mom's house so she could feed us.  It is a gift we give her almost every weekend.  My children are entertained by their aunties, and I feel like I get a little break.  Besides, aunties are WAY more fun than mommies.

So, that's been our week.  Some pretty awesome things happened that made me really happy, but there was a nagging gloominess that I just couldn't shake.  At the root of it, I think I'm just sleep deprived.  Laci is now in her own big girl bed (after almost a year of sleeping in the same bed as me), and that hasn't been going entirely smoothly.  And Mia has been having terrible tummy aches off and on that, for some reason, are soothed only by my holding her.  I have never been so thankful for couches that are comfortable to sleep on.  While the prospect of more sleep doesn't look great, I am hoping to feel a little better this week.  I have a project to work on (curtains, if my children will allow me), and the weather is supposed to be in the eighties (my favorite temperature), and well, it's the beginning of a new week, when a positive outlook is a little easier to achieve than say, on a Tuesday.  I started taking my daily pictures again a few days ago, I'm not sure what my plan is for the three missing days, but we'll see if I can stick with it.  At the end of the year, I know I'll be glad I did.

And now, two pictures I did manage to take this week, demonstrating how comfortable the couches are for napping, and also showing that my children DO sleep, but never when or where I would like them to sleep.