calm

For no particular reason, at least not one that I can think of, yesterday evening felt so calm and peaceful.  The morning was hectic as I tried to get out the door in a timely manner for work, I was exhausted when I picked up Laci from my mom's later in the afternoon, and we ate pizza for dinner in front of the TV.  But then, after dinner, we went outside for a little family time and the dust just seemed to settle, and I felt happy and not quite so tired.

We brought some bread out to feed Leroy the Koi, who has not only survived the winter, but appears to be thriving in his murky home.

Laci, who had refused to eat any pizza for dinner, or pretty much anything else for the entire day, decided that stale bread intended for fish would be an acceptable meal.  I didn't argue with her, at least she was eating something.  And when she was done feeding herself, she fed the dogs.

And I'm all for dogs and child getting along.

Even as I put Laci to bed last night, I noticed how much more patient I felt than I have been feeling most of the time lately.  I wondered what had made the difference so that I could repeat it when necessary.  Patience has definitely not been my strong suit in the last few weeks.  But, I couldn't figure out what the difference was, and I probably never will.  I guess it is just part of the ebb and flow of emotions I've been dealing with lately.  So, instead of trying to figure out how to recreate it, I'll be satisfied with recording our evening here, so that on nights, or days, when my patience is running low (and I'm sure it will) I can remember that sometimes life is calm and I am patient.

a dozen little things

So, my sister comments yesterday about how I haven't blogged in a "long time."  She's right, although I've gone much longer before, but I find her comment interesting for two reasons.  One, she knows pretty much everything that goes on in my life anyway, we're a close family like that, and two, because her wedding was one of the main reasons I didn't have time to blog last week.  I haven't blogged this week because I've been having quite a battle with my internet connection, which still seems pretty unstable, so I'm taking quite a risk in writing this post. If you are reading this right now, then I guess I won the battle.

While I'd love to review all the details of the last two weeks of our lives, I don't think that is at all possible.  First of all, it would take entirely too many words and no one, I mean no one, has enough patience for that.  And also because, quite frankly, I can't hardly remember what I did yesterday, let alone the details of an entire 11 day stretch.  I think I'll stick to a list, because that seems manageable, and realistic, and totally organized, which I'm totally NOT.  And, if you're not so much into reading lists, and more into looking at adorable pictures of my baby, then please enjoy these pictures, taken about two weeks ago, long before the chaos of our recent life began, when we had time to enjoy the sunshine, strawberries, and a few M&Ms.

The following events are real, not re-enactments, and some are much more important than others.  I'll leave that judgment up to you.  In no particular order, since I last blogged:

1. I've had two dress fittings, one for taking in, one for letting out.  The result, a dress that mostly fit at Kristina's wedding.

2. I sat in a lab wishing I could just eat a giant donut and take a nap while I waited for my two-hour fasting glucose test.


3. We've had a hail storm, thunder and lightning, 80 degree sunshine, rain, and a nearby tornado.  Not at the same time.

4. Laci had a fever, then a cold, and now I have a cold, also.  And we both feel pretty miserable.  And I'm wearing a snotty sweatshirt that doubles as a toddler tissue, which I refuse to wash until the cold has passed, because really...why bother?

5. Laci threw up for the first time in her little life, and while you probably didn't want to know that, congratulations, now you do.  And it was gross, and I don't think I'm going to like the stomach flu with little ones, but if I can toot my own horn, I handled it much better than I thought I would.  Is there anything sadder than a little one throwing up, who doesn't even understand what throw up is?

6. Kristina got married and her wedding was absolutely BEAUTIFUL, although at this exact moment, I have absolutely no photographic proof that it happened or that I was there.  (I think this one deserves a larger font, and also, I will definitely elaborate more when I have some pictures to share.)

7.  Laci, who had a fever at the wedding, did not perform any of her flower girl duties, except to wear an adorable white dress and whine.  Except, I don't think whining is an official flower girl duty.  Also, smiling was an option she chose not to participate in, and I believe there are plenty of photos somewhere to prove it.

8. The permits for our new house have been approved.  Hooray!!!!  Ok, enough celebrating, now, on to the next obstacle to house building...waiting on the weather.  It is May, isn't it?

9. I've watched The Heffalump Movie about thirty times.  Two days ago, she lost interest in "Lumpy" and moved on to Bambi.  I'm hearing "Drip, drip, drop, little April showers" in my head right now as I type.  I think I hate the rain right now.

10. I haven't had more than two hours of consecutive sleep in nearly a month and I'm pretty sure that sleep deprivation is about the most horrible form of human torture that exists.  Wait, I think I might have slept three hours last night, thanks to a healthy dose of ibuprofen for one small, teething, head-cold-filled girl.  Guess I shouldn't be complaining.

11. I've cooked dinner twice and eaten fast food about twenty times.

12. I went to my doctor appointment where I heard a little, perfect heartbeat, and the doctor was actually on time.  Little things definitely help lighten the mood.

I'm sure there's plenty more I could list, but nothing comes to mind.  Please refer to #4 (the cold) and #10 (sleep deprivation), if you're unsure about my mental capacity at this point.  Also, if you've actually read my whole list, congratulations, you've won absolutely nothing and have just lost at least 10 minutes of your life to my thoughts.  I TOTALLY appreciate it, and I swear I can feel your love.

If you've only looked at the pictures, and skipped to the end, and are just reading this little blurb, congratulations, you've won absolutely nothing, but you can now rest assured that you're completely normal.  And don't worry, and I can feel your love, too.

farewell double-wide

We are two months post double-wide moveout and she's finally gone.  The double-wide.  She's gone.  Gone to her new home somewhere up the hill from the us, destined to house yet another young couple just starting out.  It's kind of sweet.  And in honor of her moving on, I'd like to celebrate the various wall textures she proudly displayed.

Clockwise from top left, we have:

** what I like to call the "fancy" wood paneling

** the awesome kitchen wallpaper in mustard and brown, complete with corn and onions

** standard wood paneling, the predominant wall covering

** the orange and gold metallic wall covering, which we thought was wallpaper, but upon trying to remove a piece of it for a keepsake, we realized, that indeed, it is NOT wallpaper

This past week and weekend brought more dirt moving, and finally the pad for our house is complete.  Ready for digging footings and building forms and pouring concrete.  Hopefully in that order, although I'm sure it will take much longer to actually accomplish than it did for me to type that little list.  Also, somewhere in there, some permits will be needed (still jumping through county hoops for that) and probably an inspection.  You know, so our house doesn't sink into quicksand or something like that.

When you have a big job like this, you truly appreciate knowing people with some big equipment.  The dirt moving, pushing, scraping, grading type of equipment.  It is also nice to know people who are skilled at operating said equipment.

The odd thing is, now that all this work has been done, it's as if the double-wide were never here. There isn't a trace of her anywhere, unless you look at the giant pile of concrete in our field, or the stray piece of insulation that blew off in the last week.

What once looked like this...

...now looks like this.

Where we once drank our morning coffee...

...we now...well, we can still have our morning coffee there, but it just doesn't have the same appeal.

It's all very exciting, and overwhelming, and stressful, and happy.  Thankfully, Laci went to bed early tonight and I'm going to go sit in the quiet, with the hubby, and let my mind be empty for a while.  Free of decisions about house placement, or county codes, or what to make for snack, or if someone needs a nap.

you capture {motherhood}

At the risk of overdoing this whole motherhood theme I've had going for a couple of days now, I'm continuing  on for yet another day.  After all, mothers deserve more than just one day, right?  And this week's theme at You Capture is motherhood, so here are a few of my captures from the last week.

I don't get the opportunity to photograph other mothers often, but I feel like every picture I take of my girl and her daily activities is a celebration of motherhood.  Only as a mother have I begun to see eating a snack or taking a nap as moments to be treasured, captured, and not forgotten.

And what says motherhood more than a growing belly?  I will be 25 weeks tomorrow.  What!?  Did you forget I was even pregnant?  Don't worry, sometimes I forget too.  Second child syndrome has begun early in our household.  I have far fewer moments than I did with Laci to just sit and soak in the pregnancy glow while baby girl kicks around inside me.  When I do get those few precious moments, though, they are that much sweeter.

I must improve on my self-portrait skills...I think I'll make that a goal.  And in my announcing it as a goal here on this public blog, I'm almost guaranteed to do nothing about achieving it.  As you can see, my assistant is of absolutely no help either.

reflecting on Mother's Day

Saturday was spent watching the guys move dirt, preparing food for them to eat, and chasing a toddler around...with my mother's help, of course.  Because even I can't do that many things at once.  Heck, who am I kidding, I can hardly do two things at once these days, but that is beside the point.  So when Sunday, Mother's Day, rolled around, I was happy to do absolutely nothing.  Even though "nothing" for me involved being away from home most of the day.

I was greeted with a feisty baby early in the morning, who insists that I rise to provide her sippies of milk and age-appropriate cartoons daily...Mother's Day is no exception.  Luckily for her, she is very cute, and I obliged.  Ryan made sure to get me two cards this year, one from him and one from the babies...which I love.  He isn't big on words, but I can always count on a card from him.  Always.  Unlike me, who is only good for a card about half of the time.  The other half usually involves me coming up with a good excuse about why I wasn't able to make it to the store, or how the store didn't have any good cards, or how I'm saving the environment by refusing to buy a card.

After the morning card-sippy-cartoon routine, Laci and I enjoyed breakfast with my mom and sisters.  Kristina bought me the most amazing looking orchid, which I'm pretty sure I'm going to kill.  I'm pretty good with plants, but if you give me something fancy, like an orchid, it's an almost guaranteed death sentence for the poor plant.  I warned Kristina about giving such a beautiful plant to me, to which she said, "Oh, no you won't kill it."  Um, yeah, pretty sure I will, but I will really try NOT to.

Later in the day, Ryan, Laci, and I met up with Ryan's family for dinner where I enjoyed watching Laci play with the "big" kids and drank so much Crystal Light that the bathroom and I became very close friends.  Good things.

On a more sentimental note, Mother's Day is special to me and I spent most of my day just watching my not-so-little-anymore baby run around.  Literally, run around, because walking is entirely too slow for her these days.  It seems like everything she does is fast lately, not just running.  She's growing, and getting more teeth, and trying her best to talk, even though I have no idea what she is trying to tell me much of the time.  I hear parents say it all the time, but truly, they grow up way too fast.  And even as I say all this, I often still feel like a kid myself.  Some days, I look around at all the things Ryan and I have going on, and I wonder when I became a real grown up, because I certainly don't feel like one.  I still feel like a kid just playing "house," and I  wonder when it will be time to clean up and let someone else take over the decision making again.  I'm pretty sure that must be how my mom sees me too...just a kid playing grown up, which makes me appreciate her even more.  Motherhood means sacrifice, if it means anything, and to let your children go out and be their own selves seems like the biggest sacrifice of all.