two...not so terrible (today)

Two. Years. Old.

I call her my big girl, but she really is just a baby still. Little chubby cheeks, soft curls, dimples for knuckles. And she hasn't asked for her Grammy in two nights, opting for mommy snuggle time instead, which confirms how much she still needs me.

Daily life with a two year old is, in one word, BUSY. There is never a dull moment with Laci on the loose. She changes so much everyday, adding words to her vocabulary by the hour. As her communication improves, she is spending a lot less time rolling on the floor throwing fits. I know she won't stay a baby much longer, which makes me even more thankful that I am home again and can watch her grow everyday.

She is a terribly picky eater. I got the bright idea the other morning to put sprinkles on her yogurt, thinking it would entice her little appetite. I figured even if she only ate the sprinkles that at least a little bit of the yogurt would make it in her mouth.

I didn't figure the sprinkles would melt, creating a tie-dye effect. I didn't figure that I would have to add sprinkles a half dozen more times before she decided she was done. I didn't figure she would turn her breakfast into a yogurt facial.  Silly me.

Her love of animals is one of the few things that isn't changing. Horses and kitties are her favorites, and since horses are a little large, we try to stick to the stuffed variety.  The kitties aren't so lucky, but I think they have accepted their plight in life, calmly allowing Laci to torment them until they can sneak away.

A month ago, I would have considered her in the terrible two's, but they don't seem so terrible today. Sure she is strong willed...very, very strong willed...very, very, very strong willed. But she is crazy smart and super cute, and with a few Tic Tacs, I can get her to do almost anything.

little scars

Mia's scars are healing well. She weighed 8 lbs 4 oz at her appointment yesterday, her chest x-ray on Thursday showed no signs for concern, and she appears to be the picture of health to all those that meet her. All babies certainly are miracles, but this little one just takes the cake. And while her little body is the one that bears the physical scars, I believe she is the least affected of us all. Her scars will fade and she will not have any recollection of her rough start to life. As for the rest of us, we will forever bear our scars hidden deep in our hearts and emotions.

I can no longer listen to the sound of the medical helicopter without some twinge of emotion...sadness, anxiety, concern for those involved. Other helicopters can pass without my notice, but the life flight helicopter has its own unique sound, one I've become all too familiar with, one that I'll never forget. Stories of other sick babies hit me harder than before, and stories of healthy births make me sigh relief for the parents, just knowing what a miracle each birth truly is.

The saying, "We don't prefer a boy or girl, as long as it's healthy" has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Not for one minute would I trade Mia for a different, healthier baby. Of course I would have much preferred to have a healthy Mia, but I wouldn't want any baby other than the one I'm holding now. We have learned so much from this little girl already, I can only imagine the lessons she has yet to teach us. If I could go back a few months in time, knowing what I know now about Mia's defect, even knowing the pain, fear, and uncertainty I would experience, I would say, "We'll take her, healthy or not."

I know I am certainly not the only one to still feel the effects of Mia's stay in the hospital. For four nights in a row, Laci has awoken at 2:00 am crying for my mom. Not so long ago, I was the only person who could console her in the night...she usually just needed a drink of milk, a little rocking, and the occasional song or two. And while I'm forever grateful to my mom for stepping in to take care of Laci, it stings just a little when she cries, "Ranny!" in the night and I have to literally wrestle her back to bed.

Ryan is working extra hard to get some things done on the house before he has to return to his "real" job. I know he feels the pressure to provide for our little family more than ever and he wants to get our girls under a comfortable roof as much as I do. It is difficult to feel settled in life without my own little nest for my chicks. I know how lucky we are to be able to build our own home, and how lucky we are to have a nice trailer to live in, and how lucky we are to have family that will temporarily house us, but I'm ready for my own space. I'm needing a stable environment where I can hang our memories on the wall and make pancakes for my girls...and then hopefully, this restlessness I feel almost daily will subside. After a month of nothing ordinary, I'm anxious to return to the ordinary, boring life I'm used to living, where a trip to the grocery store and a new meal are the highlights of the week.

Like Mia's scars, I know these feelings, that are still so fresh in me, will subside and fade into the background. Laci will once again ask for me in the night, and Ryan won't have to work quite so hard. Time truly does heal all wounds, visible or not. And the faint scars I will bear are purposeful...to remind me of where we've been as a family and what we can overcome.

sister friends

Sisters are special. I would know, I have two younger sisters. Then again, I was only 17 months old when my sister was born, so I don't even know what life without a sister is like. So, I guess I really can't make a fair comparison. But I'll just assume, and continue to believe, that life with a sister (or two) is definitely better.

At the risk of sounding too cliche, having a sister to grow up with means always having someone to play with. It also means always having someone to fight with (sorry mom). And being "grown up" sisters doesn't really change much, except maybe there is a little less imagination and a little less fighting.

When I found I was pregnant with Mia, I hoped for a girl - a sister for Laci. Someone she will grow to love. Someone she can boss around, teach things to, play with, argue with. Someone who will share girly secrets and who will be her friend.

The sisterly relationship is one that takes time to form. Laci is only now realizing that Mia is here to stay, and she isn't entirely happy about it. But occasionally, she'll take her big sister duties seriously, making sure Mia has her blanket and pacifier, singing to her, stroking her hair. I just have to make sure Mia isn't smothered by the blanket. Mia was allowed to join in some sticker fun the other day, and was content to let big sister bedazzle her leg - marking the beginning of what I hope will be a very special bond for these two.
I really look forward to watching my girls play together. Not only for the joy of watching shared games of imagination, but also for the sanity break.

I know I am lucky to have close relationships with both my sisters...sisters are not always automatic friends. As for Laci and Mia, I have a feeling they'll be lucky sister friends, too.

moments from the past week...

We ate Chinese food for dinner last night. My fortune, which was more like a recommendation, told me, "Do something unusual tomorrow." Well, it's tomorrow now and here's a rundown of what I've been doing.

I changed so many diapers I lost count, cleaned two noses (neither of which were my own), and watched two full length Disney movies. I've been screamed at by a two year old for sitting on her blanket, and my one month old has spewed a fountain of regurgitated milk all over herself and down the waist of my pants. I sang a couple of songs and read a book about Elmo going into space. I picked up the contents of yet another brand new package of baby wipes that Laci decided to empty, one wipe at a time. I attempted to re-roll a package of aluminum foil, also courtesy of Laci. For the record, it is nearly impossible to re-roll aluminum foil...it can be done, but the results are not pretty. I've rocked and swayed for at least a couple of hours, and had five outfit changes (two of which were my own). Somewhere in there I managed to squeeze in a quick shower, a cup of coffee, and some online banking that needed to be done.

Unusual? No. Memorable? Maybe, at least now that I've recorded it. But with the shower and the coffee, I'd consider it a good day anyway.


***

Other memorable moments from our week, as captured on my phone:

The view of my backseat...documentation of our first trip to Walmart. It took an hour and a half to get out the door after dealing with a toddler meltdown and a baby who wouldn't stop eating. All for twenty minutes in the store, shopping for items I didn't really need. But I had cabin fever and really needed to get out. We stopped for a treat from Sonic on the way home where Laci asked for "ries" before I even got to the window. I guess she's got the whole drive thru thing figured out.

Laci's beloved rocking horse, the sole cause of the above mentioned meltdown. Because instead of the 20 or so portable horses she owns, she insisted on taking this large, not so portable, horse with her to the store. She made it out the back door with him before I squashed her dreams of horseback rocking through Walmart. Crying, excessive snot, and melodramatic rolling on the floor ensued.  I didn't feel the need to capture the actual tantrum as it is something that happens repeatedly throughout the day, and frankly, I'd rather forget that part.

Reading princess books...chubby little books for chubby little hands. They must be organized neatly in their box or a very particular toddler becomes very upset.

Sweet baby hand and sweet baby foot. Enough said.

Sleepy smiles.

Sisterly chats...the first of many.

My lap in the morning. Room for two, but only as long as the little one doesn't touch the bigger one. Yes, it has already started...I can almost hear it now, "She's touching me. Make her stop touching me."

Sometimes it's okay if you just touch hands, but only a little bit.

mia | one month

~ one month old ~

Time has a way of getting away from you when you spend your days and nights in an endless cycle of feeding and changing diapers. A cycle I welcome over sitting in a hospital room, but I can't deny how exhausting it is. It's crazy how just seven busy days can make the previous 25 seem like ages ago.

Mia is growing and changing as every newborn should. She's a month old now and weighed 7 lbs 9 oz at her doctor appointment yesterday. I am no longer worried about her getting enough to eat - 10 oz in 6 days confirms that she is getting plenty. If she can just kick this cold, I'll consider her a very healthy little girl.

Now that we've had a week to get to know our girl, we know she is pretty easy going, is slow to wake up, and rides in the car like a champ (which is good considering the number of doctor appointments she has). Late evening is her cranky time, she cries for no apparent reason, and at this point, I'm the only one who can quiet her. I guess she knows who her mama is after all.

To state the obvious, Mia is super cute and we all love her to pieces. Laci has started to realize that she is here to stay, resulting in some hysterical meltdowns like never before. While Laci doesn't mind sharing her mommy and daddy with her new sister, she refuses to share her Grammy at all...not sure how she'll handle it when we finally go to our own home.

I miss writing about my girls everyday, but I know that my "free" time is better spent playing horses with Laci or rocking Mia. I waited nearly a month for exactly this lack of time and sleep, and I know life will settle into a routine and I'll find time again. But, just for a minute, I wish I could have one of those great UCD nurses to take the night shift for me.